The curious case of Neetu Bharatiya...and her sister!

Neetu Bharatiya, a girl in my school I thought existed merely because people didn't know her sister's name. Her sister was always referred to as "Neetu Bharatiya's sister" and never with her real/actual name. Sometimes I even considered the possibility of that phrase being her real name but could never be sure as asking someone to confirm this would have made my "inadequate knowledge" in girls, public and that I tell you would have been a bigger embarrasment than asking your class teacher's name. It was only 3-4 years after passing out of that school that I got to meet her in flesh in a get together of sorts and I noticed 2 things instantly; she had a charming smile and a weird laughter. Everytime she laughed, I thought she was trying to mock someone. But all in all she definitely seemed like one worthy of being talked about, which confused me even more. And then I forgot all about it, till yesterday, when a happily giggling soul brought back the memories of her laughter, her sister and finally her.

This time, confident of my expertise in analysing matters of great and complete uselessness, I decided to crack this mystery of inseperability of two names for once and all.

I took the same approach that Phaedrus took to understand Quality. I likened my dilemma to the 2 front horns of a charging bull and then examined them one by one. I took the left horn first and considered the hypothesis that Neetu Bharatiya's sister was more popular than her and thus featured in all kinds of conversations more often than Neetu Bharatiya herself. But this looked like an incomplete explanation as it did not give a suitable reason for her not having a name of her own. Thus I refuted the premise and focussed on the right horn. The 2nd premise was of Neetu Bharatiya being more popular than her sister which was supported by the argument that less popular things are always referenced using more popular ones. But then why the heck do I always hear about her sister and never about her, i thought and rejected the 2nd premise too.

Like Phaedrus, I was aware that all classic dilemmas afford 3 refutations and that got me thinking of some more rhetoric and less logical/scientific hypotheses.

So I theorised that may be her sister was new to the school but was becoming popular very rapidly but then I thought hard and remembered that her sister had spent more time in that school than she had.

Maybe, I assumed, her parents christened her as Kyishaiwnnae or Rikialria and as tongue twisters are quite out of fashion now, people simply used the more usable name. But still I couldn't see the point of not shortening her name to Kyi/Shai/Nae or Riki/Rial/Ria as we usually do instead of using an indirect reference.

Finally I thought may be...just may be she was the real Voldemort...the invincible Lord Voldemort who survived. That would explain everything, like why people gossiped so much about her and why was she the-one-who-must-not-be-named. This theory made more sense than all the other theories put together. My school was so weird that it could very well have been a Muggle Studies Centre for magic world. May be You-know-who understood what went wrong and went to my school to understand normal human/muggle emotions....may be all the time we thought he was dead, he was getting stronger....may be he is just biding his time....may be this time he will win. I just hope "Harry Potter and the Sister of Neetu Bharatiya" comes out soon!

A reporting analyst's Catch 22(i)

I "excel" in ACCESS
.... .have "access" to IMAKE
then why the hell do "I make" in EXCEL!!!